An Interview on Postpartum Depression with Author Daniel Tam-Claiborne

By Daniel Tam-Claiborne

Becoming a parent is often framed as a moment of pure joy, but for many fathers, the early days of parenthood can be far more complicated than expected. In this candid interview, Daniel Tam-Claiborne, a multiracial writer, multimedia producer, and nonprofit director, shares how the birth of his daughter, Juniper, sparked an emotional journey he never anticipated — one marked by overwhelming regret, depression, and a profound loss of self. His story sheds light on the often-silent reality of paternal postpartum depression, the gaps in support for new fathers, and the slow, meaningful transformation that can come with time, honesty, and connection.

• Tell us a little about your birth and postpartum experience

Moments after my daughter’s birth, I was in tears, though not the kind I was expecting. My wife, Meghan, had just endured a grueling 18-hour labor, and I was standing at the foot of her bed as the doctor retrieved a ruddy, shrieking alien from between her legs and placed it in her arms. I stared at this being — my daughter — in disbelief. I wasn’t overcome by the miracle of life. I wasn’t swept up in love and oxytocin. Instead, I felt a wave of regret so great it threatened to upset my stomach. I wasn’t naïve enough to think our challenges were unique, but increasingly I remembered that having a child was a choice, and one we didn’t have to make.

• How did Postpartum Depression show up in your daily life? Emotionally, physically, in your relationships?

I expected that caring for my daughter would be difficult, but I didn’t anticipate being faced with a depression so all-consuming I spent many nights in tears. I’m lucky not to have had significant bouts of depression in my life, but as a result, I was wholly unprepared for what happened after my daughter’s birth. I loathed the relentlessness. I dreaded the sudden fits. But I also found myself seized by a hopelessness I’d never before experienced. I saw my old self slipping away, and with it, the simple joys that made life worth living.

• One out of ten fathers will experience a Perinatal Mood and Anxiety Disorder, like Postpartum Depression, but most cases go untreated. When you experienced PPD, did you know what was happening?

I kept waiting for some signal that my life with my wife would resemble its carefree past or that my indifference toward my daughter would suddenly turn to cherishing. Instead of talking about it, I hid my negative feelings. I didn’t feel like I had any right to complain. Fathers have historically been ancillary to the project of parenthood, and I knew my wife was struggling, too. While it was never officially diagnosed, I realized that I was very likely suffering from postpartum depression, a phenomenon I associated with new mothers but didn’t know could affect fathers, too. Putting a name to the intense shame I felt about my early relationship to both my daughter and parenthood helped reduce the stigma of sharing what I was feeling with others.

• What social supports do you wish you had had?

I wish that I’d been able to have more frank and potentially challenging conversations with the men in my life. The loneliness epidemic among men, especially, has been well documented, and I think it contributes to a culture of silence around issues of real material concern like the identity shift that occurs after becoming a parent. Unlike the ecosystem of books and resources and community available to moms in a similar position, I found almost nothing for dads.

• What would you like all new and expectant fathers to know?

I’d encourage all new and expectant parents to take as much paternity leave as you possibly can. There’s a lot of research that suggests that parental leave is good for father-baby bonding as well as parents’ relationship with each other. It was also hands-down the hardest thing I’ve ever done. Without having the experience of taking an extended parental leave, I would never have been able to know, without a shadow of a doubt, that caring for a child is more challenging than any day at the office.

• How have things changed for you now?

As Juniper gets older, I’m increasingly grateful for the time we got to spend together when she was so young. The highs and lows. The tender embraces and the bitter tantrums. I miss everything now, even those episodes I was all too happy to relegate to the past. I know they will only accelerate with time. Never would I have imagined that I would come to mourn the days when it felt like my identity and all my freedoms were taken away. While it would be a lie to say I don’t sometimes fantasize about our life before Juniper, I think more now about what I’m able to do because — and not in spite — of her.

Daniel Tam-Claiborne is a multiracial writer, multimedia producer and nonprofit director. His debut novel, Transplants (Simon & Schuster, 2025), was a finalist for the 2023 PEN/Bellwether Prize for Socially Engaged Fiction. His writing has appeared in Michigan Quarterly Review, HuffPost, Catapult, Literary Hub, Off Assignment, The Rumpus, and elsewhere. A 2022 National Endowment for the Arts Literature Fellow, he has also received fellowships and residencies from the U.S. Fulbright Program, Poets & Writers, Bread Loaf, Sewanee Writers’ Conference, Vermont Studio Center, and others. Daniel holds degrees from Oberlin College, Yale University and the MFA Program for Writers at Warren Wilson College. Born and raised in Brooklyn, he lives with his wife and daughter in Seattle.