Myla Rugge Reflects on 15 years of Mom Prom

1.) You’ve done so much volunteering for parenting causes; what inspired you to get started?

When I had my first kid in 2008, I started thinking about what moms go through, especially the transition from woman to mother. I got really fired up about that! I was dismayed to find that we didn’t really talk about that transition very much in any of the spaces I was in. I was very dismayed by the fact that we weren’t discussing how I had changed as a person since the arrival of my child. The more I read, learned, listened, and thought about motherhood, the more I wanted to get involved with helping moms. Something needed to be done! Mom Prom was the beginning of doing some of that work, which at the time, I didn’t really think of it as that. I thought moms needed a break, moms needed a night off, and I wanted to honor and celebrate moms. It turns out that the core of my work is connecting moms and helping them not feel alone. That focus led me to teach Evergreen Parent Baby classes (which I am still doing!), led me to found a mom’s group focused on how it felt to be a mom, not how to be a mom, and led me to provide one-on-one support with moms at no cost.  It has been so rewarding! 

2.) What inspired you to create Mom Prom?

I was inspired to create Mom Prom when my first son was about 3 months old. I was in a PEPS group and I was going to the parent baby classes at Evergreen. I was surrounded by new moms who were all struggling with the adjustment to having a baby. It was so difficult and so hard. I was struck by the fact that nobody was giving us a high five or praising us for the amount of work we were all doing. We were exhausted. I just thought, “I want to honor and celebrate all the work that we’re doing and, at the same time, give moms a break.” That led me to the idea of having a party to celebrate and honor moms. It was the party I needed! I wanted to do something that would be fun and give moms the night off while also giving back to all the moms who might need support.

3.) How did you get involved with PS-WA?

I was put in touch with PS-WA, which was then called Postpartum Support International of WA, in 2009. I was looking for an organization to benefit from Mom Prom, and a friend and mentor of mine, Wendy Dean, recommended that I consider PSI-WA as somebody who could use the funds to directly serve moms. She put me in touch with Heidi Koss, who was the Executive Director of PSI-WA at the time. Back then, it was an organization of just 6 volunteers! Heidi had just been able to be paid for 10 hours a week. It was a small, scrappy organization that was doing excellent work for parents, especially mothers. I’m so glad I found them/you!

4.) What do you think sets Mom Prom apart?

Mom Prom is a feeling, not just a party or an event. It’s not just a night off for moms. What really sets it apart, what really makes it special, is how it feels when you attend. That feeling stems from the hard work of many individuals, including myself, to create a space that feels as safe, welcoming, and free as possible. That requires a lot of attention to detail, which some people might interpret as very DIY, gritty, and perhaps informal. That’s intentional. That’s to create a space where we can let our hair down and be ourselves. It allows us to feel at ease so we don’t feel compelled to perform or appear in a certain way or act in a certain way. Prom feels safe, comfortable, and free, like we’re all in it together. The intention is to make it so moms especially, but women in general, can connect. Connection requires a bit of vulnerability and pointing everyone towards the fact that we are all in this together. Prom does that through things like the questions I ask for the door prizes and the big sticky notes on which we write our thoughts, including questions that draw attention to the fact that we were all doing motherhood differently but together. Then, being able to sing at the top of our lungs, dance like crazy, eat whatever we want, wear whatever we want, AND not be on the clock for at least 4 hours!!! It’s amazing!! I take the feeling of Mom Prom with me wherever I go. I hope attendees take that feeling with them, too. 

5.) What have you learned from attendees?

Prom wouldn’t be anything without attendees! They have taught me a lot about creativity and fun! Attendees come up with fun-themed outfits and creative ideas on how to include one another in the experience. And I learned how I like to have fun and that my kind of fun is not for everyone. I’ve also learned from attendees who are survivors of a perinatal mood and anxiety disorder. They have come and shared their experiences with me at Prom. I’ve learned a lot about what PMAD survivors go through. They talk to me about why Prom is meaningful to them and how Prom makes them feel seen. I’ve also learned a lot about how everybody celebrates Prom differently. For some, coming to Prom means wearing the fanciest dress, and for some, it’s to wear the ugliest dress, and for some, it’s to match with their friends. I’ve learned that if you bring a group of people together and you really focus on how to connect them, it can be done. Divides and competition will fade away. Connecting people can take all of the feelings we have of “I’m not good enough” or “she’s doing it better than me” or “everyone else has it figured out but I don’t” fade away. At Prom, all of that falls away. We come together to have a good, fun night while also supporting one another. We all understand how hard life is being a mom. I did not set out to do that when I founded Prom, and yet, I’ve been able to achieve that. 

6.) What are your takeaways from this work?

What I take away from Mom Prom is that everyone is struggling with something, and that everybody needs to have lightness, fun, and anticipatory joy in their lives. It brings so much to your life when you have something to look forward to. The feeling from Prom can be spread into the world. You can stop a mom and tell her she’s doing a great job and that she’s amazing. It doesn’t have to be only when you see her once a year at Mom Prom. You can do that with any stranger you see out and about, or anybody in your mom’s group or your network. You can take a moment to say that to them! We are all in it together, and we are all doing it differently. That has been solidified year after year, as hundreds and hundreds of women have come together in that space and shared those moments. I used to think of it as just that one night. Now I understand it ripples and ripples and ripples. The connections made and the friendships formed. It will continue to do so long after the last Mom Prom has happened. I have also learned a great deal about myself in this process. I’ve learned how to take feedback and criticism, how to stay focused on my vision of what I want to do versus what everybody else wants, and that everyone has opinions. It has given me confidence and a lot of awesome connections. The people I’ve worked with over the years have taught me many valuable lessons and have encouraged and supported me immensely.

7.) What’s next?!

I don’t know what’s next! I always have lots of ideas and lots of things going on. I know whatever I do, it will be in service of moms. I have, of course, dubbed myself the Champion of Moms after all! Everything I do is in service of moms and their mental health. Whatever I do, it will likely be the same things I’ve set out to do with Prom: to honor and celebrate moms, give them a break, have some fun while doing it, and give back to moms. I’m going to continue doing it in my unique way, in my own fun way. I’m not going to get a degree and become a therapist. I’m going to keep being the mom hype woman that I am! Whatever I’m doing, I’ll be rocking a tiara, wearing fun Converse, and a candy necklace while doing it. I know I will continue the legacy that I’ve built with Mom Prom, just in another vein.