Bethany’s Story

Shortly after getting married, I found out I was pregnant with my third baby, my first with my husband. With my older two children, I had not struggled with any perinatal mental health issues, so I didn’t immediately recognize it with my third baby. I started showing signs of depression early in the pregnancy and assumed it was just depression and would resolve in time. I did begin medication, but it didn’t seem to help. I got worse. It was easy to brush it off as circumstances in my life. When things got better, I would feel better. Then we got pregnant with my fourth baby. She was a giant surprise, but very much loved and wanted. However,  things got worse for me. I felt so frustrated because I was so excited for this new little one, but it seemed like nothing I did brought me any joy. 

I remember feeling hopeless. I didn’t want to be around anymore. Things that I used to enjoy felt hard and not worth doing. I’d back out of social engagements. Leaving the house now felt difficult and overwhelming. Then, our baby was born. And she was beautiful. But I felt like I was stuck under a dark cloud that never went away. I didn’t know if I could keep going. I wanted to be happy and celebrate my beautiful girl, but I could barely take care of myself. And I felt ashamed. I was sure no one would understand and that I’d be judged.  I knew I needed help when I realized that I did not want to be alive anymore. I spoke to my doctor, who diagnosed me with postpartum depression, anxiety, and rage. She believed that I’d had it since my third baby, and it never got better. I remember so well my doctor giving me the pamphlet for the Warm Line. I didn’t think I was brave enough to call. My doctor looked me in the eyes and told me that all I had to do was make one phone call, and I could do just that. And I did.

I was connected to a caring peer who helped me find and access resources that I desperately needed to feel heard. To feel seen. To know that I wasn’t alone and that I was going to be ok. I  connected with a counselor who helped me find a day treatment program for women with postpartum depression. I began a new medication. I had a peer partner. I truly believe that these things saved my life. Without the help that the Warm Line gave me, I would not be here today. It’s taken a lot of work, but today, I am so glad I am still here. I am finding joy in the world.