Krystin’s Story: Pregnant Again, But This Time Armed with Knowledge

By Krystin Morgan

Pregnancy is described as a magical time, a time when expectant parents “glow” and “nest” and daydream about a tiny bundle of joy. 

But for some of us, it’s anything but. 

After years as a “fence-sitter,” unsure whether I wanted to take the leap into parenthood, I discovered I was pregnant on April Fool’s Day of all days. I was trepidatious but still excited throughout the first trimester. 

Things changed, however, during the second. Right in the middle of pregnancy, the time when we’re supposed to get a magical burst of energy, I received a burst of depression instead. I’ve dealt with anxiety my entire life; it’s an old friend by now, one I know well how to live alongside. Depression, on the other hand, is a different beast. 

I spent weeks feeling empty, like I was watching the last vestiges of my life fade before my eyes. All of my prior fears about becoming a parent came to a head: would I ever have time to myself again? Would everything irreparably change for the worse? What had I done? 

Finding resources like PS-WA online gave me a sliver of hope. I could see that what I was feeling was normal, that it was possible to feel depression while pregnant, not just postpartum. 

But just as I started to see the light, another challenge hit: gestational diabetes. While it may seem like a run-of-the-mill pregnancy complication to those who don’t experience it, gestational diabetes is a minefield. The language used to discuss it — terms like “passed” and “failed” — and the stigma surrounding what one must have “done to cause it” immediately sent me into a spiral. 

My pregnancy became a series of blood sugar checks, carefully portioned low-carb meals, and forcing myself to exercise throughout the third trimester. I cried the morning of my baby shower because I wouldn’t be able to eat a single thing that was served. While I was fortunate to be able to keep my diabetes in check with diet and exercise, it added increased stress and, frankly, trauma, to the remainder of my pregnancy. And that’s not even factoring in the gestational hypertension I also had to navigate. It felt like I was just doing pregnancy wrong. 

Today, that baby is four and thriving. After more fence-sitting years, this time about whether to add a second child to our family, I’m pregnant with a baby due in July. With this pregnancy, the first trimester was the hardest; the first-trimester malaise and fatigue coupled with fear of having another complication-laden pregnancy. But this time, I was armed with knowledge: prenatal depression is real, there is support, and none of us is alone. 

I started therapy right away, looked into other support options, and reminded myself I’d been through it before and had come out the other side. And today, while I am unfortunately again dealing with gestational diabetes, I’ve managed to focus less on doing everything “perfectly” and more on taking care of my body and my mind. 

I’ve become more outspoken about perinatal mental health and I’m the first to remind people that yes, you can experience perinatal mental health challenges during pregnancy. I’m also hoping to find ways to improve the way women with gestational diabetes are treated; after all, it’s a medical condition, not a personal failing. 

If you’re pregnant and going through it —whatever ‘it’ looks like for you— know you’re not alone. Your feelings are valid, and there is support available from people who truly understand.