Volunteer Spotlight -Nicole from the Warm Line!

The Parent Support Warm Line is often our entry point to all of the services we offer. The Warm Line is answered by staff and volunteers who share life experiences with our callers. By providing peer support, no caller ever feels alone or misunderstood.

We wanted to highlight the personal experiences of a long-time volunteer, Nicole Noone, including what led her to the Warm Line and what she wants other parents to know. 

How were you first introduced to the Warm Line? 

I learned about the Warm Line from my therapist, who I had begun seeing as a first time mom 6 years previously as I worked to heal from my own postpartum anxiety and depression.   As I began looking for ways to give back and support parents in the perinatal time period, especially hoping to work with those who had  experienced pregnancy and/or infant loss, I learned that the Warm Line was looking for volunteers. I reached out immediately and haven’t looked back! 

What have you gained working on the Warm Line? 

It has been an honor to have walked alongside so many parents as they navigate perinatal mood disorders and especially those that are bereaved through miscarriage, stillbirth or infant loss. My third baby, Colm, was an unexplained stillbirth at 40 weeks, and having a few special women who had walked this path before me and could offer me understanding and hope in those crushing early days of loss made a tremendous difference in my own grief journey. Being able to be one of “those women” for someone else has been incredibly meaningful and life-changing. It has also been a way to honor the memory of my beautiful little boy. 

Do you have any overarching advice for a person experiencing a perinatal mood and/or anxiety disorder, emotional issue, or loss? 

There is hope, and help, out there. With the right support, things will get better and reaching out for that support is an incredibly courageous thing to do. Speaking to loss specifically, I want bereaved parents to understand that no matter how “guilty” they feel in the wake of losing their baby, this is just grief in another guise. This is NOT their fault and they are not to blame. I also want them to know that though grief is life-long, it will flow like waves and they can learn to ride them. Life will hold joy again. 

What does a call on the Warm Line often look like when speaking with a parent?  

Now that I mainly work with bereaved parents, I always start by asking if they would like to share their loss story, and if they named their baby, the baby’s name. I use baby’s name frequently because I know so well how much they long to hear it.  If it is very near their loss, I share resources around early grief, focusing on making sure they are getting adequate sleep and drinking water. It can be so hard to eat, shower or do anything at all when you are in the depths of grief and recovering from the shock of loss, so we talk about finding ways to be gentle with themselves. Resources like therapists and support groups are usually in a follow-up email, but I have found that the most important thing in the first call or two is to connect and let them share their broken heart with someone who really gets it. 

Another huge aspect of loss in the perinatal time period is that unlike many other bereavements, it is frequently tied up with yearning for another baby.  I am sometimes the first person with whom they are sharing this desire, and normalizing this for them is something I always do.  It doesn’t mean they aren’t missing the baby they lost, or trying to replace them, or “crazy”. 

What role have you seen peer support play? 

As I mentioned, in my own journey, peer support was incredibly helpful as I learned to integrate the loss of my son into my life. The world keeps moving, and humans in this country are generally not well-versed in how to support the grieving. After a few months, people often stop mentioning the loss or saying the baby’s name.  And it is exhausting to have to ask for support—knowing that someone will check-in with you every week and offer a phone call, or a supportive text, is so comforting. I cannot explain how much I still appreciate those in my life who mention my son to me or  text me on his birthday, even six years on. I am so grateful to be able to do this for other parents, and I keep their children’s names close to my heart.